Speak and Succeed: Trusting Your Own Voice

Wow. That was such an amazing episode with one of my dear friends, Karen Laus, who's a communication expert, confidence cultivator, and speaker on a mission to help women silence self doubt, use their voices with confidence. Who doesn't wanna do that? She empowers women with simple strategies to speak up, stand out, and succeed succeed in the boardroom and beyond.

Karen first discovered the power of confident communication at six years old when she negotiated her first female market purchase. Today, she helps women transform self doubt into self confidence, leading to successful negotiation.

Karen has spoken at Google, Sephora, NASA, coaches TEDx speakers, and is the author of Trust Your Own Voice, host of the top 3% global podcast Ignite Your Confidence. With that said, here's Karen Lauce.

Hello, everyone, and welcome to the Power Up Your Life podcast. I'm Kelly Resendez.

And I'm Mandy McAllister.

And I'm so excited because one of my favorite people that just always warms my heart from the second that I see her, Karen Lauce is in the house. How are you, Karen? Hello.

I am fabulous.

Awesome. Well, right when we just get started and dig right into it, and share a little bit about your experience in in your career.

Well, I think back to when I was in a corporate leadership role in a boardroom about to present. I could not get the words out. And it was mortifying because the president of the company was my boss, and she shut down the meeting. And she pulled me aside after, and she goes, Karen, you didn't trust your gut. You could've just tabled the meeting. And in that moment, I thought two things, actually. Number one, why wait. What? I could've tabled the meeting? That was an option? And then secondly, why do I keep asking for permission?

And, yeah, that was the day that I set out to figure out what was the root of my problem, and it took some time to do that and figured out that at the end of the day, I was in a prison of my own making. And that was pretty harsh to realize, but what I mean by that is I have agency just like every single person that is listening to this. We all have the ability to choose what we say and how we say it, whether we speak up, whether we don't. And I find that so often, at least my journey has been, that there have been too many times where I didn't speak up when I wanted to, specifically in certain moments and in that particular case with my boss.

But it's also interesting that I find just in in my story, and I've seen this with a lot of other people too, is that I grew up in a very traditional home where I was taught just by modeling that my voice didn't matter. It was always, you know, you look to a man to make the decisions and to give you permission. And yet at the same time, when I was six years old, my dad used to take me to flea markets, and he'd say, here's a few dollars. Go have fun, but never pay full price. And so I learned how to negotiate at an early age. So I and he always used to say the squeaky wheel gets the grease. So I had a lot of success in my career, have had, because of the strength and the ability to speak up in certain situations.

But because of that also component of my mom, it was very much, like, in culturally condition too that our voice doesn't really matter. And so I've had to reconcile that over the years, and that's and and, ultimately, what I do with that is help women speak up now through how they come across in their executive presence as well as in what they say to be memorable.

That's amazing. I wanna go down this this rabbit hole of agency because I think a lot of our listeners, this might be something a little bit foreign to them. And so explain a little bit more about this choice to to have agency. What what does that mean to you?

Yeah. Specifically, it's the ability. So if we take a specific scenario, if we go back to that boardroom story, so in that moment, I was going with my what do you call it? The this trying to keep myself safe from the ways that I was taught. Is it okay? I don't wanna speak up because I don't wanna rock the boat. Honestly, it wasn't about doubting myself, but it was the highest priority that I learned as a kid is you don't want to make somebody disappointed in you or you don't want to you wanna make them happy. You, like, you wanna make everybody comfortable. And so that was the priority in my, frankly, in my nervous system as well as in my brain, and so I didn't say anything.

But the reason there's a couple there you know, we're all complex beings. Right? In that moment, the reason why I didn't speak up is because of everything I just said that not wanting to rock the boat, but it was more than that. I actually didn't agree with what my boss had suggested I present, but I was taught you don't question your boss. Okay. So for months, I didn't say anything. And when it came game time at that boardroom table, I couldn't do it because I didn't agree with it. So I just couldn't from an integrity perspective. So there's that.

But if we go back to, okay, what did agency mean for me in that moment? It meant that I could have said something. But for all of us, there's always that decision point we have to make. Is this something that I am gonna get backlash over? Like, are the things that I learned as a kid overriding Yeah. My ability to say something? But agency to me really means choice. That we have in every moment, we have a choice of how we're either gonna respond or how we're not gonna respond.

I that's so incredibly important. And it's, I mean, it's been a big part of a lot of women that I know and go by and see my own personal journey too of these female leaders is willingness to trust my own judgment over all else. Over you know? And both things can be true at the same time that I trust my judgment and I want the other people in the room to have a good experience. Right? But it's it's how do you rank them. You know?

So, you know, you have this really unique spot where you've gone from big deal corporate America to now big deal leader, working for herself and and, leading from stage. You know? I I'm curious to know, what is the the single worst piece of leadership advice that you have been given or you've seen given out?

Gosh. Well, I'm thinking it it truly is it sounds so obvious, but it's the opposite of what we're talking about is to stay silent because you'll be safer. And what that equates to that is adding to their discussion here is playing it safe. Mhmm. And not actually stepping into the dreams that we want.

I am a person that jumps and then figures it out. I'm the one that and I've never thought about myself as courageous until people kept saying it. And I didn't think anything about leaving Minnesota and going to the East Coast for college. Like, that wasn't a big deal to me. It was a big deal to other people that were local. I didn't think anything of throwing a bunch of stuff in the trunk of my car in 1994 and driving out to to San Francisco because it was a dream of mine with no plan that I would just figure it out when I got here.

There's a lot of things that we all have to decide for ourself what we wanna do, but I do think that it's important that because and why I brought those examples up is that there's a lot of people that might have said, oh, don't do that. Oh, honey. No. No. No. We don't you wanna stay safe. You wanna and I was like, no. Like, I also left my corporate job at 52 years old. I'm like, I'm just getting started. And I've had so many people say, oh my gosh. I can't believe that you did that. I'm like, well, it's not a big deal to me.

But I have also realized that not everybody, of course, has the same lens that I see things from. I mean, that's pretty obvious. None of us have the same lens that each of us sees things from. But I would say I'm a little bit of an outlier from that perspective. But I would say just to go back to put a cap on this is worst advice is somebody saying, oh, you shouldn't do that because it's not safe, or don't speak up because it's not safe.

Yeah. That is just one of those things that if we all had like, if we all gave ourselves permission to be authentic and really speak up, what a difference, you know, it would it would make in the world.

So, Karen, I have watched you just make incredible, like, strides in the speaking world. Right? And there are a lot of people on here that might wanna become a thought leader and really wanna kinda be able to get to that next level. Give them just a couple actionable steps that you really took to put yourself out there and and really just be able to to make that impact.

One thing you just mentioned is they wanna become a thought leader. I wanna remind everybody that you are a thought leader. The first step is deciding. I am a thought leader Right. And then figuring out what is the problem that you wanna solve and for whom. Because that's a mistake that I made in the beginning. I hired all the people, like, all of the fancy stuff like Instagram. You know, that was in 2020 when Instagram Reels had to be, like, perfectly curated, like, the best design possible. And so that's one thing I would figure out is what is the problem you wanna solve and who is it for?

That will solve most of your problems in business when you can not just be clear on that for yourself, but then the next step is communicating that in a way that under is understandable for others. Because too often what we do, I mean, you two know this very well just in in life, is that we over explain or we use way too many words, and people walk away going, I have no idea. Like, that was a nice person, but no idea what they do. I mean, 80% of the people that we hear on networking events or even on stages, like, I don't really get it. They do a bunch of stuff for women, but I don't really know what. So then we just tune out and move on to the next person. People don't buy the best product. They buy the simplest one to understand.

So, but getting back to a couple other things. So in September 2019 is when I made a decision that I am going to be a speaker. Now I did have the backdrop of an entire career of training people to be speakers at Google and Netflix and all of these big brands. So I had that foundation of not only teaching others, but then also having to be really good myself because my company was sending me out to do all these keynotes all over the place. So I wanna say that as just a reality check for everybody, but it doesn't mean that you can't start today.

So in 2019, I said, I'm gonna do this, and I invested in a group coaching program. And the tip that I wanna offer to people is something that then came out of that experience and that decision was something I now call my three d's, and it's decide, declare, and deliver. So decide what you want. And this is something I see so often with women as they say, I don't know what I want. They're like and, Kelly, you experienced me on a call as well when I was like, I don't know. Like, I thought I knew what I wanted. I was like, nope. The more you dial in, it's like, do I really know what I want?

So getting clear on that, and I definitely was clear that I wanted to be a speaker, then declare means tell everybody. This is what I'm doing now. This is what I'm looking for. Who could you introduce me to? Who do I need to know? And then thirdly is deliver. Start doing it. And I remember probably twenty five years ago to get the advice started in your living room. Start speaking. Start crafting. What if you could talk about anything, what would you wanna talk about? And start crafting that keynote.

I love it. Is incredible advice. I I think that if anybody has a dream you know, I wanted to be a real estate investor full time, but I started doing the steps while I was a medical device rep. Right? Like, you don't get necessarily need to decision cut off, you know, full full, you know, steam ahead into something different. You can kind of ease in to things, and I I like to walk before I run, so I I really love that advice.

But that leads me actually to a really great question for you too, that when you're making such a big shift, there's an identity piece that comes from it. We've talked about this a lot. You know? Kelly was, an executive at a multibillion dollar company, and now she leads a a women's health company. That is a big identity shift. Talk to me about some ways that you dealt with your own identity shift and, you know, maybe some actionable things that other people could work on too.

Biggest actionable thing I would say is look for role models. Who do you want? Like, it's it's that who do you want to be like? Not to say that you're going to be them, but most people have done something that we might we might wanna do that exist in the world. And so looking for examples and then reaching out to those people. Hey. Can I have a conversation with you? There's no reason why we can't ask, and there's a great exercise in Alison for Gale's research and her book called likable badass. So I know we love Allison for those of us who are over. And it's this exercise of collecting no's. See if you can collect 10 no's in the next month, and you will maybe won't even get there because you might be surprised at how many people will say yes. So that's one thing.

The other thing, but it's all part of what we've been talking about, is knowing what you really want. Like, if one of my very first coaches said the sentence, what would you want if you weren't afraid to want it? Oh my god. And I find that so helpful. Bradley Cooper the wrong answer.

Is that out loud? Sorry. Sorry.

Love that gut reaction, Kelly. So that's She knows when she wants people. Yes. Exactly. So let's see. What I'm already forgetting the question. Now I'm thinking about people get everything

too.

Have these have have your and write your dreams down. I mean, at the GoBundance retreat at Sundance, when we learned about the mind movie Yeah. I I did that that night.

And so just to clarify for everybody, unless you two wanna clarify, but I'd I spent a couple hours that night doing this one and a half minute mind movie, and now I watch that. And it helps me to step into the vision that I want. I mean, there's so much that I've even changed just in the last couple of months that have made a big difference.

The Power Up Your Life podcast is powered by GoBundance Women. I could tell you stuff about it, or you could hear from some of our members. Here you go. GoBundance has connected me with an amazing group of entrepreneurial

women

that I can learn from and support and grow together. GoBundance gave me a boardroom of sisters who refused to let me settle.

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So, you know, confidence is something that you exude

and teach. Oh, thank you.

A lot of people don't know what confidence is. So they've they've been taught that this is this external validation or whatnot. How do you recommend that a woman that's not feeling like she's as competent, as capable, or whatnot, like, what could she do right now to be able to move her confidence forward?

It's something I call a celebration portfolio, and it is two lists of things. The first list is some most of us have heard of before, but the second one is a little bit unique. The first one is to make a list of your accomplishments. You can even just take the last six months. You could take the last year of your life. Literally getting data in front of you to see that.

The other list is of your character qualities or character strengths. So, you know, like you too, I mean, I've interviewed so many people in my life over the years. I've never had one person talk about their character qualities. They're always touting their accomplishments, which are great. But think about people decide who they wanna work with, who they wanna do business with based on all of these qualities that we often don't talk about. So things like, hey. I happen to make people feel comfortable from the moment we start meet and talk, or I happen to be a very positive person, and that has really helped me move a lot of business deals forward. Like, bringing those things in combination with your strengths or, excuse me, with your accomplishments can be really helpful.

And the mere act of writing them down is step one. Step two is to read that lit both of the lists out loud to somebody that you trust. Have a witness to your strengths because and it takes time. We have to remember this, that it's confidence just doesn't happen overnight, and I'm also living proof that you can be very confident in certain situations but not confident in others.

And so that's something too that I call portable confidence. So anybody who's listening, think about times when you are the most confident. Like, we we all have a time or a situation in which we feel at the top of our game. So take that feeling, the embodiment of that, and then just simply port it over to the other situation when you don't. So that can be harder to grasp, but it's it's sometimes a more visualization kind of feel, like, really feeling in your body that embodiment. And then, also, another tip is that you can practice those in the lower stakes situations to help build that confidence.

So one and one of my very basic tips, especially for anybody who either is at networking events or you're in meetings, speak first. When somebody kicks off the meeting, hey. Who wants to start? Usually, there's those moments of silence where nobody says anything. And so if you speak first, you not only come across as a leader right away, you showcase your value right away. You also don't have to then be nervous later or wondering, oh, what do I have to I have to say something to make my voice heard, but now three people have said what I wanted to say. So there's so many benefits to speaking first, and that simple act of of action can help you build that confidence because you've gotta take action to build confidence. It doesn't just show up on your doorstep.

I love it. So and knowing that you can do something in one part of your life is such a great, like, piece of evidence to take it into another piece of your life. I I actually, was coached one time to have a a a group of pictures in my phone of who I am. That's the name of the album. And it's a it's a bunch of, like, places where I felt amazing or I was really proud of the thing I did. And if I'm lacking confidence, I I go borrow those feelings there exactly like you were saying.

I am curious, Karen. In this world of, in leadership, in in the world of working for yourself, there are times when it feels like you're groping into the darkness, trying to figure out what to do next, or there's too many plates spinning all at once. When you feel like you're lacking clarity, what is your system or approach for trying to get real clarity on what to do next?

It starts with the nervous system. So it's a simple act of actually literally putting my hand on my heart and pausing and then just taking starting with deep breaths and really saying, like, what do I need in this moment? And I'm not perfect at this, but I will tell you this is what my go to. Like, hand on heart and just breathing and breathing from my diaphragm, that lovely muscle around our stomach, and that that's mine. And they're saying, what what do I need in this moment?

There is, of course, a plethora of things. The other one that I love, self regulating exercises, is twirling, like a little girl twirling in a dress. It actually regulates your nervous system. I also find, you know, I do a lot of public speaking coaching, and so people tend to rock side by side because they're right like, they're nervous. I don't recommend people do that when they're on a stage, but it's an interesting, to me, an interesting origin of why people do that.

So if you notice yourself rocking or even back and forth, you know, maybe we're not doing that so much. But any of those or swiveling in a chair, those are all self regulating things that we might be doing unconsciously as well. So make it conscious so that then you can feel even more calm. Yeah. And then when we're calm, we're obviously able to make better decisions.

Do you know why we move around like that? Just a little question. I wanna hear. It's from when we were in our mom's womb because it felt like the rocking vibration, and it is the safest space that any of us have all been on on planet Earth. Right? There was no worries. There were no concerns, whatnot.

So it is definitely something that, like but you do when you're, you know, when you are a speaker, you wanna embody the strength of, like, power. Right. Right? Yes. Yes.

Definitely.

Fascinating, though. Thank you. I love that tip. Absolutely. I still do it, to be honest with you, like, when I'm when I'm, like, in that place.

And I don't know if you saw me doing this before because I'm like, I've got a couple podcasts. I have just enough time. I haven't even packed for a trip on a plane, but I'm moving in. So I'm trying to regulate my nervous system. So thank you for that for that reminder.

So Of course. Karen, if you could give people one, like, just literally one strategy right now that you believe would change the way that they show up as a leader, what would it be?

Walk in the room like you own the place. And this means anywhere. This means walking I mean, I remember when I was 18, I took Arthur Murray dance classes, the ballroom dancing. And I had this pivotal moment when I walked in and it was before my class, and this guy said, oh, he asked me a question like I was an instructor. And I said, why did you think I was an instructor? And he goes, well, you walked in like you were so confident.

And it is such a simple one. But even in your own living room, in your bedroom, stand up shoulders back, stand up straight, and it's having that smile on your face. Expect great things to happen.

I know now I'm giving multiple things, but it's really about that mindset, and it goes back to it's a decision. It's all it is. It's deciding. I am confident. And I know that it's more than that, but it's starting with that belief in yourself.

And so even starting with an affirmation of I am confident, it's all you maybe say when you wake up in the morning. I am confident. I am powerful. I am fierce. Whatever makes you excited, and that can help that embodiment over time.

Love it. It's really powerful to know that we're all just figuring this out. You know? Like, powerful humans like Karen Laus is just telling herself to be confident, walking in like she owns the place, and then that confidence follows.

I I love so many things that you said, Karen, but there are a couple that I've written down. Your your three d's, decide, declare, deliver. I am going to be doing that. And making a list of my character traits, beyond just my accomplishments, of things that I'm a proud of.

Kelly, what were a couple of things that Karen said that you loved?

So I'm gonna start with, it's not just what you said, it's who you are. Like, literally, you shine. Like, you're just that person that literally, you know, no matter what you're going through shows up with this amazing optimistic energy of just, just goodness. And so thank you for for sharing this space with us.

But I believe wholeheartedly, like, you know, what what you said about, like, just choosing confidence from, like, okay. This might not come naturally to me. Some people need to use strategy to be able to get there. So Right. You know, and that's what you really bring to the table is that there are so many women out there that might not have confidence, and they look at women that do, and they just kinda see themselves as different. And when you see it as a skill where you're like, oh, I can develop confidence. I can I can do these things? It will it will definitely be a game changer.

Well, Karen, you have been an amazing guest, and we wanna support you and everything that you do. So let everybody know what they can do to support you. I know you wanna get on more stages this year. So anybody hosting events or whatnot, make sure that you check out, Karen. But how do they find you? What what can they do to to support you?

Well, thank you. Well, I wanna offer a gift to anybody listening. You can go to my website and grab three strategies to speak up in meetings. So and that is not just for people in the corporate world. That's for anybody, frankly. They're all very much just speaking up tips.

And thank you very much for that offer as well. I have a podcast called Ignite Your Confidence, and my book is called Trust Your Own Voice, which is a guidebook for women on confident communication.

And, yes, I am definitely specifically looking for executive women in the luxury hotel space. That is where I'm focused and that I just decided I'm gonna own that because I've been doing it for a few years, and that is if anybody knows anybody in that space, I would love to be introduced. Yeah. We actually have a couple friends.

We just we just got introduced via email to a woman last week when we were at an event in Florida. We should make that connection. Lisa made a connection for us, so that would be amazing. Great. But, Karen, you've been amazing. What's your website again? Oh, karenlaos.com.

Last name is l a o s .com, and I'm on Instagram every day as well as LinkedIn.

Awesome. Well, Karen, thank you so much for being here. And for those of you listening, thanks for joining us. Make sure that you leave us a review, share this episode, check out Power Up Your Life now for all the resources and tools to help you, and just thank you for being here on the Power Up Your Life podcast. Thanks, Karen.

Thank you. Thank you. Thanks for joining us today on the Power Up Your Life podcast. If you got value from today's episode, make sure that you like and subscribe and send this episode to someone who needs to hear some wins like this.

If you need to power up your business, head over to Power Up Your Life Now, where you can see all of the resources that our team has to power up your business. We'll see you on the next episode.