From Chaos to Confidence

I am so excited for you to listen to this next guest. Kelly Rottewald is a 31 year old operations professional based in Monterey, currently working remotely at the home improvement business development team at Goodly Your I've spent the last fifteen Your. But her story is so inspiring. After writing a fictional memoir inspired by her personal journey, Kellen discovered a deeper calling in speaking and empowering others through stories of healing, self worth, and setting healthy boundaries. Passionate about personal growth and recovery advocacy, she aspires to become an Amazon and New York Times best selling author while speaking at rehabs, schools, recovery centers, and corporate events to really help people create meaningful change. Here's Kellen. Hi there, and welcome to the Power Up Your Life podcast. I'm Kelly Resendez.

And I'm Mandy McAllister.

And I am just pleased to bring on one of my friends and somebody that I've had an opportunity to work with as well. Kellen, welcome. How are you?

Hi. I'm doing so good. I'm so excited to be here with you guys today.

Awesome. Well, we'd Life, before we dig in, just to hear a little bit about your story and journey.

Yeah. So, I recently published my first book. It's kinda like a fictional memoir, if you will. I grew up in kind of a chaotic household with alcoholism and drug abuse, Mandy Kelly, I surpassed that. So a lot of what my journey has been is kind of digging deeper and finding out, you know, who I am through the obstacles and how I can make it out into something greater than I was raised into. I mean, I currently work for a financial technology company. So I think that has really helped me stay inspired Mandy moving forward. Mandy I kinda just want, you know, to share my journey as someone who, you know, was set up for not the best path, just how to how to do that with giving very little resources.

Yeah. Thank you so much, especially for bringing this into the world. There's so many people out there that fall into that category, and you can go one way or another. I'm actually meeting a friend tonight for dinner who was raised by an addict and ended up getting her master's and is just an amazing human, but that's not always the case. So how were you able because you continued to work at Goodly, which I've been with for fifteen years, and I'm grateful that we met through the through the company and had an opportunity to help you with the book as well. But how are you able to do both? There are a lot of people that are probably listening that are like, if only I didn't have a job Your if only I had more time, but you were able to do it in spite of that. Kinda tell us a little bit more about what that looked like.

So it was something I was very passionate about. I started writing it in August, and I finished it in September. It was just a very a very important thing I think I needed to share. Luckily, I work remote. So as soon as I clocked out for the day, I kind of just stayed on my computer, and I started writing. I was kind of dead set on finishing it within, like, a month or two. I was just really excited to share it, and I wanted to know what I could do or who I could help. So pretty much, I just made a priority. I said, this is, like, I love my my nine to five, but there's there's more to me than my nine to five. And I think that just setting the expectation, just giving myself a deadline like, I have deadlines at work, so I kinda have deadlines in real life. And that just really kept me motivated to get the book going.

I I love that. I I think that when it comes to writing a book, it's like eating an elephant. Right? It's the one bite at a time thing. You know that Your? But it's like the Jerry Seinfeld thing too. The he never lets himself not write a joke on a day, and it's it's the momentum builds on itself. You know, I I think that when it comes to growing up in a household that wasn't, you know, white picket fence perfect, like, there's, like, there's some internal what's wrong with me because of that stuff, and it can be Kelly, really, to share those stories. You know, talk to me a little bit about, you know, that catharsis and, you know, anything that you're scared to share, why it's helped you so much to to get it out there.

Well, I think a lot of a lot of growing Up in a, like, a unpredictable household is that you're always on edge. You're always scared. You're not you're not doing the right thing. You're walking on eggshells. And I for the first twenty five, twenty six years of my life, that's how I approached everything. I was always Life, how do I stay out of the way? How am I make sure I'm perfect so I can't get yelled at or or judged or, you know, something like that. And I noticed that's how I Up, like, my career. That's how I approached work, and that's that's not how it should be. It was very draining. It was people pleasing. It was never asking for more. And as soon as I kind of had my moment, I was like, this is this is this is who I meant to be. I'm I'm meant to ask for more. I'm meant to ask questions, you know, respectfully, question authority, you know, in the in the best possible way. I was always brought Up, like, this this is the law Mandy you're gonna follow it, you know, in the household. Never questioning it. Too scared to to be like, well, that's that's not right. And I think as soon as I realized, like, I'm not gonna get where I wanna be by saying yes or not wanting more. And I'm I'm just so thankful just that happened to me because I'm I'm in a very good place, and I'm so persistent. And I wanna move forward and reach every goal I can. And I'm just so happy that happened to me that where I could make that decision on my own and not be scared.

Yeah. Talk to us a little bit more about that Your know, I went through an awakening in 2004 that was kinda subtle over a period of Life. And then I have what I call my bathtub moment where I was literally, like, it was I was in a bathtub, and I just, like, for the first time in my my life Kelly present and felt like, oh my gosh. This is actually what inner peace and contentment feels like. What tell us a little bit about that moment for you.

There were a few of them, but I was always scared to act on it because I didn't want to hurt my family. I think that's what it was is that I was always the one who was sober or the one who thought before I spoke. You know, I, unfortunately, was raised that you can say mean things to someone, but because you were, you know, under the influence, it didn't mean it. And as I grew up and, like, I would let people walk all over me Your I'd be a punching bag, I was like, I don't wanna live like this. Like, this is not okay. And but I, you know, I considered it Life, oh, well, that's how my family treated me, but and they love me. So these people like me too. It's just, you know, they're just having a bad day. So I was just making excuses for people all the Life. And I was just like, I am Mhmm. I'm powerful. I have a very good path ahead of me. Like, I'm I'm not addicted to drugs or alcohol. Like, I am in control of my life. And if I'm gonna let my family walk all over me, I'm gonna let other people walk on over all over me, and that's not okay for either of them to do. So I think as soon as I realized I'm powerful Mandy I'm independent and I'm in charge of my life, that's when I decided to set boundaries and and love myself. That's really what it came down to as I decided that, like, loving myself was the most important thing, and that's how I was gonna make it where I wanted to be.

That hits so deep. And I think beyond just the growing up in an unpredictable household, be, you know, learning how to love me thing, like, the figuring out yourself is kinda kinda the meaning of life. Right? It's kinda why we're all here is to figure out what we have going on. I I I know that at least for me in Breaking Bad Habits, and I'm sure for you too, that as I you know, there's probably been some back sliding and and the need to correct your own path. I'm I'm curious if you have some actionable ideas for people who are in it, maybe backsliding on the people pleasing or backsliding on any type of habit they're trying to break. What are some actionable things that you do to reset yourself?

I take a lot of accountability. I like to journal, and I like to kind of write down, like, how I feel in a moment Your, you know, if if something happens Mandy I don't like how I reacted or I don't like, my responsibility in that, you know, incident if something happened, I kind of do, like, a, like, a self awareness thing. Like, if I write it down and if I see, like, okay. This is what happened. This is how I get over it. I'm just always trying to be the best version of me, and I can't be the best version of me a 100% of the time. If I was gonna stay the same, there would be no point in, you know, growing. You know? So I think it's it's resolving to evolve. Like, finding what's in you to make things better. You can't rely on other people's actions Your other people's words to kinda help you move forward. It's kind of finding, like, your mission and keeping yourself accountable to follow what you wanna do, who you wanna be without any outside noise.

Yeah. So good. So good. So you mentioned boundaries. And one of the challenges, of course, with with growing up in a household like that is codependency and and a lack of boundaries. So what do you recommend to somebody out there that's listening that's like, I think that's an area that I need to work on. I think I need to set some stronger boundaries with my family, which is hard to do. Like, what would you say those steps would look like? I think

there's a confusion with setting boundaries and not loving your family or not loving the person you're setting boundaries with. I think it's you can set a boundary and still be respectful and still be polite. You know, for instance, sadly, I prefer not to spend holidays with my family because I know there's gonna be a lot of drinking. So I respectfully, like, decline the invite. And I think it's just it's kind of just letting them know where I stand, where if this is gonna be present, I don't wanna be present. And it kind of shows me they'll choose alcohol over me being there. And that's that in itself is okay. So you're choosing a substance over time with your family. So how important is family to you? So I think it's really diagnosing where the other person stands and not feeling guilty by creating a boundary to you know, in the end, you're gonna be upset if you go because of how how the the party's gonna go or how the the meetup is gonna go. And I'd rather be happy and celebrate and be present than not be happy when I'm there or resent it in the end. I think time is so valuable that you need to spend it with who you wanna spend it with and who you love. And I think by setting that boundary, I'm I'm putting a lot more clarity in what I want out of, like, a family and a friendship. And I'm I'm just so thankful. Like I said, it doesn't have to be a, I'm not going. I'm never seeing you. It's just Life, I respectfully don't like how I am around you for my for my sake, for my peace, for my healing. I need to dismiss myself from that situation.

Mhmm.

The Power Up Your Life podcast is powered by GoBundance Women. I could tell you stuff about it, or you could hear from some of our members. Here you go. GoBundance has connected me with an amazing group of entrepreneurial

women

that I can learn from and support and grow together. GoBundance gave me a boardroom of sisters who refused to let me settle. You know, within the first two months of me being a member, I enrolled someone to help them with their high ticket sales. I got double back my investment within the first, you know, sixty days of being a member. So it was it's incredible. You guys are just amazing, and there's always somebody to look up to in in, in GoBundance, so I love being a member.

That's why you owe it to yourself to check out goabundancewomen.com. You know, something that comes up on the podcast a lot that you've actually talked about a couple times here too is this idea around fear and not being perfect. You know? I think, yeah, a lot of our listeners are entrepreneurs and investors, and the fear of taking action and the fear of not moving forward causes analysis paralysis, causes so many reasons that you justify not moving forward. Tell me if I I love going back to the actionable ideas so that I can steal your homework. When you were feeling fearful and you don't wanna move forward, kinda how do you hack yourself, in order to move forward? Tell me a couple ideas.

Oh, that's a good question. I have been practicing it for for a while now, and practice makes perfect, but there's nothing about it that's perfect. It is a roller McAllister of emotions. It's digging deep when you don't want to. It's, finding the inner strength to to do what you said you're gonna do. I think growing Up, a lot of times, there was no there was no, real, like, promise. I think if they told me we were gonna go somewhere and then we didn't, it was just broken promises is what I'm trying to say. I think that keeping promises to myself is what's most important. I think in the end, I'm I'm learning so much to love myself and to be there for myself first, and that's how I love other people is by loving myself. I think just reminding myself this is for me. This is how I'm gonna accomplish what I wanna accomplish. And I think one of my biggest fears is becoming an alcoholic Your, you know, I sometimes am worried, like, what is gonna cause me to, you know, drink, to rely on it type of thing. And just the patterns I see growing up, that's that's okay. It's a coping mechanism. And I think that I'm really trying to find other ways to cope if I'm upset Your, you know, alcohol is everywhere. You you celebrate with alcohol. You use alcohol to to drown out your your sorrows. You give alcohol as a gift type of thing. And I think that's my fear is just type of the the culture we're in. Is is it gonna drag me into something I don't wanna be? But I love myself more than I love an addiction, and I love myself Your. I love myself so much that I'm not gonna let myself fall into that that type of abuse.

Yeah. And that that totally resonates just that, you know, with fear, it's like you're making a commitment to yourself that you wanted to do something. So just really being able to push past it is so important. So, you know, I'm gonna switch gears a little bit, talk a little bit more about the book. So you went through this process. You're getting it out in the world. Like, what would you say your greatest intention is for the book in in, you know, you being able to speak and make a bigger impact in the addiction space?

I think it's it's something that's not necessarily talked about. I think, we hear the stories of people who have hit rock bottom with alcoholism or drug abuse, and then we we hear them when they're out of it. And I think we never really see the other side. Like, I could have fallen through that path, but I didn't, And here I am today. And I think that almost needs to be present just as much where, you know, I have different types of rock bottoms. You know? A lot of, like, abandonment issues, neglect, took me forever to love myself. I think I've only started loving myself the last, like, four years, and I'm 31. You know? So all of my high school years and twenties, I didn't love myself, and that's not a fun thing. That's it's not. Like, how can I let someone love me if I don't love myself? And I think that's very important. With the book, since I've published it and people have read it, I've gotten just so many messages about people who have experienced the same thing, whether it's, like, a former boss who's in her fifties Your a friend who's my age or a high school student who's experiencing the same thing. It's just it's so sad how many people needed to hear this and how there's not that many resources where you can feel safe enough to reach out, you know, because we we always feel bad for the addict in our family. You know, we we could be them. Like, that could be us. And it's I still take, it still takes a toll on you to witness your family do that and have no control over it, but still have to show up every day and support them. But then it's Life, how am I supposed to support them without setting boundaries or without, you know, losing myself in the process of helping them. And I think that's really what I want people to understand is that you don't have to lose yourself. You know, you have to show up for yourself. You have to set the boundaries. It's all about the boundaries to me is in the end,

you don't have to give up on them, but you you have to show up for yourself too. Mhmm. You don't have to give up on them, but you can't give up on you. So I I think that that's that's beautiful. Because there really is, you know, a lot of stories told about that rock bottom change, but not a lot about how it affects family members. But, you know, when you have an example in a life of addiction, then sometimes then that becomes your model of how of of what you become in your life. I I'm curious, you know, there's people who follow that same path and who decide, no. That's not my identity. That's not me. That's not how I'm gonna show up in this life. What do you think separates the people who choose the path? Or maybe it's not a maybe it's not a full choice in your opinion, but the people who end up, in addictive households who end up at it themselves versus those who choose like you do to avoid that path. Tell me a little about that.

I think that I had four people in my family, immediate family, immediate household who were addicted to drugs or alcohol. And they always like to tell me, like, you don't need to do this because it's not good for you, but at the same time, they would be drinking or, you know, partying right in front of me. And I think I always felt like the outsider of the family. And there was just a part of me that was kind of grew up just upset that I couldn't relate to them, that they didn't like me, that I I just always felt like I was the black sheep, which is funny because now my my family with this journey I'm going on, they think they're the black sheep, but Kelly they're they're all in it together. And then there's kind of me trying to make a difference. And I think that it's kind of just something within. Like, I just I just knew there was there was more to life than working, coming home, drinking drinking socially, drinking, you know, behind closed doors. I just didn't want that life for me. And I think that that's kind of what I wanna do is I want to I want, like, the youth, especially, like, high school kids who who loves partying, who think drinking is fun. And, you know, like, it doesn't have nothing has to involve alcohol. You know? Like, you can have fun without alcohol, and I think that's that's not really shown these days. And then, you know, you get inside this this vicious cycle of, like, oh, I'm just gonna drink on weekends, and then it's after a rough day, and then it's this and that. And I think I was just kinda like, I don't I don't like this lifestyle. I don't feel good. My mind's unclear. You know? I'm apologizing for things I did when I was under the influence, and I wanna be fully, like, aware of what I do. If I hurt someone, I don't wanna be like, oh, I'm sorry. I was, you know, I was drunk. You know? I wanna I wanna be able to mean it and not repeat those cycles.

Yeah. So good. Mandy, I mean, it is. Like, sometimes we either follow the path or we pave a new one. And what's amazing about your story is that you've really transcended the, you know, the journey that you were on, which was so painful. You know, when you talk about abandonment and all of these other things, it is incredibly challenging to do. So I just commend your courage for doing that. So thank you for sharing the story with the world. You know, one thing that we always do at GoBundance Women, and then Mandy and I all share some things that we love from this, is is to find out how can we support you on this journey. Like, what's a resource or connection that would change the ballgame for you so that if there are women out there that might be having events or other things, how we can support you?

Oh, I love that. Well, my my book is available on Amazon. It's called Accept Me. Like, they're all alcoholics except me. It's on Amazon, and I really do wanna start speaking at events for, you know, high school students, college students, you know, even, like, corporate events on actually a this is Kelly's idea. Kind of how growing up and setting boundaries and resilience, how that can help you in the professional world Mandy how you can, build upon your, like, your professional skills and all that by setting boundaries, by, you know, all that, how how that led me to where I am today. So I really am trying to explore the speaking world, or just start going to events and, you know, meeting wonderful, powerful women. So if there's something out there, someone who would love to speak to me, I would I would love to just, you know, keep my mission alive and keep it going.

Awesome. What's the best place for that? Email, Instagram,

the TikTok? My Instagram. Okay. You can send me a message on Instagram. It's Kellyn Rose. That's k e l l y n n r o s e e. I would love to speak to you guys.

Awesome.

That I I think you're so right. That's a straight line to to what happens in corporate America is if you expect chaos in your life because of how you grew up, there could be chaos in your daily life. But you said a couple of things that I wrote down, Kelly. Resolving to evolve. I I love how succinct that was and how, you know, that it says exactly what you're doing. And the idea of keeping promises to myself, I really think that that's, you know, the nature of what confidence is, is that I keep promises to myself. Kelly, how about you? Oh, great. Yeah. I mean, the biggest takeaway is really that

self love is really the only thing that we can ever count on. Right? And for many of us, we don't find it. And, you know, I found mine around the same age as you are right now Mandy Kelly in loving ourselves, it involves setting boundaries even with our family. And that guilt that often plagues people just needs to be released so that we can fully live in in, you know, our healed authentic self. So, Kelly, congratulations on getting this book out into the world. I've read it. It's amazing. So proud of you Mandy just blessed that you were on the show. So if you were listening, check out her book on Amazon. We'll pop it in the show notes as Kelly. And thank you so much for joining us today. We'll see you on the next Power Up Your Life. Bye, everyone. Bye, buddy.

Thanks for joining us today on the Power Up Your Life podcast. If you got value from today's episode, make sure that you like and subscribe and send this episode to someone who needs to hear some wins like this. If you need to power up your business, head over to Power Up Your Life Now, where you can see all of the resources that our team has to power up your business. We'll see you on the next episode.