“Money often costs too much.” – Benjamin Franklin
Our everyday lives are interwoven with finances and economics, capitalism and consumerism. We talk about how to make a living, how to make a life, and combat each other with different definitions about what it means to be “rich.” We throw around quantitative terms like ROI or KPI, credit or debt, and bracket ourselves into social standings or settings based on our sense of financial stability. It’s easy to quantify life, experiences, time, and get lost in comparisons when you see what others can afford compared to your own monetary worth and the things you have in your name.
Finances and bank account amounts can so easily become emotional; this living, breathing entity taking the extra chair at your dinner table each evening, staring at you and making you question your own sense of value or worth. But you are not that number. Money isn’t just a numbers game, either—money has its own energy. It exists in coherence with your deepest fears, desires and your beliefs. It can cost you more than currency if you allow it.
Unchecked emotions and lingering fears about money can create insecurities, self-doubt, and lowered perception of your inherent value or worth. It can cause stress and anxiety, affecting your mental wellbeing, which can in turn affect your physical health if you allow it.
If a person made you feel that way, you’d probably break up with them.
Let’s talk about how to flip the script on financial anxiety and duress, how to get out of a toxic relationship with money, and ways you can shift your mindset to build a healthy relationship with money and finances to feel empowered, abundant and thrive.
Money is Energy
When we say money is energy, we mean that your relationship with wealth or money is a direct reflection of your internal frequency with abundance. You have the power to become more through improving your relationship with and energy toward finances. If you give negative thoughts to finances, you’ll feel negatively about finances.
It’s often viewed as a scarce or stressful resource, or something that’s just out of reach. Your current financial reality is not your monetary destiny, though. It’s just a reflection of your deepest beliefs about wealth. Whether you grew up in poverty or a middle-class household, carry generational money wounds or come from a background where discussing finances is taboo, you can reclaim your financial story.
Like any energy, money flows and can be attracted. It takes knowing your inherent value—not the number you tack over your head because of debt, loans, or your paycheck—but the skills, experience and knowledge you bring to the table. The energy you give to thinking about money is the energy you’ll feel about it, too.
If you think negatively about money or regard it with a scarcity mindset, you’ll feel negatively about money as a topic and concept in your life. But if you regard it with a positive mindset and think of it as a springboard for better opportunity and room for growth, you’ll begin to feel that as a possibility in your life, too.
Money is an energy that requires intention through consistent action that aligns with your goals. It will take some rigid faith and personal growth, but you can transform your subconscious relationship with finances into something that recognizes how deserving, worthy and valuable you are.
Monetized Emotions
When it comes to money, numbers are often loaded with emotion and fear that arises from stigmas and discourse around finances. Financial figures can trigger narratives of shortage or scarcity that have been learned or passed down and internalized.
The fear you feel when checking your bank account doesn’t need to be permanent. The stigmas and awkwardness you feel when discussing finances? Also temporary. If you pluck away each fear; net worth, retirement, debt, etc., you’ll realize that you’re left with a starting point. What once seemed sparse, or uncomfortable, is really just a starting point for abundance and growth.
Healing from monetized emotions and a fear of the numbers associated with money is soul work. It might take some time, some tears, and backtracking, but you can create an environment where it is safe to check accounts and discuss finances by allowing yourself to feel what you need to and move forward with compassion for yourself.
There may be some use in writing down what financial stability and security would look and feel like for you. Start envisioning yourself there, and create a happy place where you can talk about money comfortably, knowing that number is just a number. Create an outlook that you aspire to achieve.
How you view the number reflects how you view value and exchange. Any time you check your own numbers, whether it be accounts, debts, or other, remind yourself to think of the numbers you see as potential and not a judgement against you or your character. That number is simply there to provide you with information.
Your ability to adjust for the better is greater than the emotions or stigmas you’ve attached to finance previously, and your capacity to receive is greater than the numbers you see.
Intentional Action and Goals
When you look at your finances, acknowledge and reflect on how you feel. Start to question what you want to see or feel when you check your finances, and then you can begin to strategize how you’ll end up in that place.
Ask yourself:
- What does this number make me feel, and why do I think that?
- How did I feel before checking this number?
- How do I want to feel the next time I check this number?
- What do I need to do to improve how I feel about the number I see?
Without action and goals, it will be a struggle to remain intentional about improving your relationship with money. Comfort isn’t found in a number, but rather, how you manage that number.
There are many great ways to get started with setting intentional, actionable goals to better adjust your relationship with money and create a sense of financial wellness for yourself!
Make sure you think about your finances and relationships as a bigger picture: plan short-term and long-term goals that will apply as actionable steps toward the present and future of your finances. According to Forbes, these are great ways to achieve financial wellness. Remember, your current financial position is just a springboard to help you begin to get where you want to be.
- Manage short-term finances
– Start by setting yourself a short-term budget! You can use financial planners, books, apps, or even a spreadsheet. Keeping track of expenses, such as automated payments, debt, and receipts will be a key part in helping you understand what your monthly budget should be like.
- Manage long-term finances
– Make sure you have room to save and invest long-term to reach larger financial goals you might set for yourself! The size of your goal depends on what you envision for your future—maybe it’s a car, buying a home, or building a retirement nest egg. - Improve present-day finances
– Make sure you set goals that help you feel like your finances are more under your control. You have the power to increase your capacity to receive by shifting the way you talk and think about money! - Achieve future financial stability
– Set yourself up to follow through with any long-term financial plans! This could be retirement, a big trip, college for your kids, or related to your side hustle or business goals.
Starting with short-term and present day goals will help you feel more adjusted to stick to long-term and future goals. With each of these, do your best not to compare your finances to anyone else. This is your journey to build a better relationship with money!
Getting specific and allocating specific percentages of your budget toward expenses will help you feel more intentional and create actionable steps in your goals, too. For example, there’s the 50/30/20 rule. You can put 50% of your budget toward needs, 30% toward wants, and 20% toward a savings account or paying off debt.
Of course, this is just an example, and you can adjust for yourself as you see necessary! What matters most is that you feel grounded and free in your perspective and vision on financial wellness, including the way it affects your goals and aspirations.
Shifting your mindset to break up with toxic money talk will help you view finances as something that you can make work for you. You will find growth and abundance in creating this shift within yourself, and will feel more prepared to navigate any unexpected finances or shifts. You aren’t just investing in your bank accounts, but you’re investing in your peace of mind.
Training yourself to look at budgets and statements now will rewire your brain to ditch the notion that finances are a punishment, and instead help you think of them as energetic flow. Don’t let yourself fall into a money paralysis, controlled by the numbers you see. Open yourself up to your potential and earning capacity, shift the way you talk about money and the abundance of change you feel will be priceless.
