Much rhetoric about the importance of creating and having balance circulates in our lives. Put into practice though, it can be quite difficult to achieve. There’s no solid definition for the term “balance,” making it hard to know how to create or have it. Like success, balance is unique to each person and can only be truly defined by you.
Only you can determine your priorities or purpose and be able to sense how you are feeling about the time and energy you spend with each thing you’re trying to balance.
For me, balance means being clear about how I want to divide my time based on my priorities, and sticking to it about 80% of the time. The other 20% of the time I leave for life’s unexpected challenges. The whole goal of balance is to be present wherever you are. Achieving balance requires space for transitional periods as you move from self-care to parenting or from work to fun time.
Define Balance For You
Maybe you like my definition of balance, and that’s great! Maybe you feel like you need a different definition, and that’s great too. Make sure that your definition of balance works for you—for your beliefs, feelings, circumstances and priorities.
Write down a few different versions of your definition of balance to narrow down what balance truly means for you. It might take some drafting, some crumpled pieces of paper and a bit of thinking, but this will help you find direction in what you want to balance in your life and why.
List Your Priorities
So, how can you achieve more balance in your life? I suggest starting by asking yourself how you feel right now. Are you overwhelmed? Not challenged or fulfilled enough? Are you beating yourself up over something or feeling like you’re not enough?
I’ve found that women who don’t write down their vision, goals and priorities are more worn out and lack purpose and direction in their life. It is so easy to become distracted, start fighting other people’s battles, and feel like you have no time for yourself. This comes from either taking on too much or not feeling successful in your life. So, start by writing down the top priorities in your life in order of importance to you. Mine are:
- God
- Me: My emotional and physical health
- My kids
- Relationships
- Other family and close friends
- My purpose: Writing/helping women
- Career/job
- Finances
- Adventure & fun
Once you have done this, think about how much time you can assign to spend with each area on a daily or weekly basis. Areas will often overlap—for example, taking a hike with my kids feeds both my sense of adventure, quality time with them, and my physical health.
Prioritize Presence
Being truly present is a rare accomplishment in modern times. We have media inundation from technology, crave instant gratification and rely on notifications that can reach us anywhere, at any time. Pulling away from distractions to genuinely enjoy the moment without thought or worry is difficult unless you make it a priority. We all have certain activities we can easily get lost in, but other areas might take some more work. Thinking about how to prioritize when and where you’ll be present can help you define and find balance.
Although I love my children, the time I get to spend with them is limited. They are my #1 priority after God, and my own emotional and physical health, but they have their own busy schedules. I used to race to leave work to be with them, but it would take my brain a while to clock out of work and clock in to parenting. Sometimes, it feels easier to be present in business meetings and harder to be present with my kids because it can take time to turn my career brain off.
I put in the work to be extremely intentional about my presence, and I always feel better after I push through any distractions by shutting off my phone and trying to engage the best I can with my kids. I know how important it is that they feel valued, so I strive to give them my undivided attention. There are days I feel very connected, and days I can tell they want their space—this is one of those instances where life’s unexpected challenges arise, but I know I did my best to prioritize being present with them to create balance in my own life.
Spirituality and Inner Balance
In my life, God comes before all else.
My spiritual health determines how I can manage all of my other competing priorities. Whether you believe in God, Buddha, the Universe, etc., spending time with your spirituality at the beginning of the day will help you stay centered. Creating and having a solid foundation for personal, internal balance is just as important as balancing the external facets of life! In the early a.m. before my kids wake up, I read a daily devotional, the Bible, and then review my purpose: my I AM statements (these are my personal affirmations), goals and values. Afterward, I journal and write.
I spend around 60-90 minutes alone with my spirituality to ensure I have taken care of my emotional health. I never check email or focus on anything else during this time. This ritual sets me up to be and feel balanced throughout my day, and be ready for whatever the day may bring. It also allows me to identify any worries or challenges I have and leave them behind because I am committed to journaling and working through my thoughts early on, instead of dwelling and overthinking throughout the day.
Set Goals for Stability
Once you’ve listed and organized your priorities with time allotments, the next step is to write them down as goals.
My goals include the above list along with other things I want to accomplish. For example, my physical health is a priority, so therefore, I create a weekly goal to schedule and do cardio 4 times per week. Any more than that, and my schedule feels too hectic and unbalanced. This goal helps create balance with my physical and emotional wellbeing, because I set it as a priority.
When I set goals like this for myself, I try to be realistic with how I want to schedule and maintain all of my priorities in life without causing overload and fatigue in my day-to-day world. It’s okay to start small first and try to balance more later!
I also create parenting goals to feel more accomplished with my kids. I’ve identified things that are important, such as eating healthy, and thus created the goal to have dinner together at home as a family 3-4 nights a week. I don’t allow myself to fall victim to the drive-thru convenience trap because I plan around it each week. Additionally, because I review my priorities each morning, I’ve usually already gone over what we’ll be doing for dinner. To keep even better track of this goal, I identified Sunday as the day where I plan my weekly exercise and meals.
The goal of eating healthier with my kids is a great compound of a few of the things I prioritize balancing. I’m putting my kids first here and thinking about their health and wellness, along with creating a more solid dinner routine for us as a family. I’m also catering to my own emotional and physical wellbeing by making sure I eat healthy and am putting food that fuels the longevity of my life into my body.
If you write down your priorities and goals and then keep the discipline to stick to them you will feel more balanced. The hardest challenge you will have is saying “no” more and not allowing distractions to pull you away, but boundaries are what help you protect your sense of inner balance. When you create the life you want to live versus letting life run you, you have so much more power in controlling your joy. If you struggle with taking too much on or don’t know what your priorities are, you might need to dedicate more time at the beginning to asking yourself questions and really visualizing what a balanced life looks and feels like for you. Remember, it’s unique to your and your experiences and circumstances!
There’s a sense of stability to be found in writing down your priorities and things you’d like to balance, putting them in order and identifying any goals based on your own personalized list. Finding balance isn’t about replicating the way someone else multitasks their own life—it’s about creating space for you to fill your own cup, know when to pour into others, and when to pour for yourself. You can own life’s balancing act by defining and making balance work for you.
