Why High Performers Burn Out (and How to Finally Break the Cycle)

You are going to absolutely love this conversation with my new friend, Angelica. Angelica Ventrisse is an executive and leadership coach, TEDx and keynote speaker, and founder of High Performance DNA. She helps entrepreneurs, founders, and executives break the identity patterns that drive burnout and build more sustainable approach to leadership, performance, and success. You're gonna see why I love her. Here she is. Kelly, and welcome to the Power of Your Life podcast. I'm Mandy McAllister.

And I'm Kelly Resendez.

And today, we have a powerhouse of a Hawaiian lady with us today,

Angelica Ventris. Angelica, hello. I'm so excited to have you here. Thank you. Hawaiian Mandy, but originally from New York because the people who hear the accent come out will be a little confused. Yeah.

I love it. A little bit of of of New York attitude in the chilliest place in the world. Now Asia.

Yeah. Yeah. I love everything about it. So, well, why don't you just give us some of your background, your journey, how you got here? Yeah. So and I know, Mandy, this is how you and I related. So from Long Island, New York, come from a family that was very I'm sure a lot of people listening can relate, high achiever, pushy, get the good grades. You know, money doesn't grow in trees, work really hard. So after college, got a job in pharmaceutical sales Life Mandy, roast the top. It was really great until it wasn't. Made good money, very burnt out, gained 40 pounds, self discussing, was miserable, and hired a coach to actually help me lose the weight. And when I went through that journey, something in my gut was like, this is what you need to do. You need to help other people lose weight, change their lives. So left my multiple 6 figure sales job in Long Island, New York. Friends and family thought it was crazy. Moved to California to be a personal trainer to make $14 an Power, literally. But I was like, this is it. I love it. This is what I'm doing. And eventually, I was like, okay. Wait. I can't just do this. I'm meant for more than just working in a gym, and I felt myself not just helping people with their bodies, but deeply with their minds. You know? You you guys know when your body Mandy all connected. So I was like, I'm I'm doing something a little bit different here. I decided to leave the gym, start an online health coaching business, which I did holistic health coaching for a long Life, and within the last, like, year and a half, transitioned to executive and leadership coaching. I still think the body of wellness is such an important piece, but long story short, that's how I got to where I am today. And then when I'm doing my business online, I said to my husband, like, why don't we live in Maui? So that's how we ended up here. Because people always wonder, like, well, why why Maui? I love California still, but it's Life, why not? Maui has the best literally the best weather in the world in my opinion. Like, 80 and sunny every day, not humid.

Yeah. And the best smoky in the world.

The best Mandy the best smoky. Yes. Hello.

Yeah. That is a criteria. Right? That is a criteria. I love talking to, you know, a, high performers Mandy, b, high performing like, high performance coaches. Right? Because many of us just have our own experience to go off of, but I love looking for patterns. And you as a coach have not just your own experience, but so many clients that you've worked with. Right? Talk to me about a pattern or two that you see when people are kinda getting in their own way or they have to break through something. What's what's a pattern, and then what's something that gets them out of it?

Yeah. A pattern I see in many of the high performing women I coach is the overextension, the people pleasing, the attachment that, you know, their their worthiness comes from their productivity. And I know that that's something I've dealt with and so many of the women I coach. How to get out of it, and this is why I do such deep identity coaching, is really uncovering where it came from, and that's gonna be different for everyone. I have a Life, actually, a male that I coach. He's actually a severe people pleaser. I'm like, well, where did this come from? He's like, well, I saw this in my mom, and she did this, so he took it off. Right? And then I have a client. She's a realtor. She is so, like, her the external validation just drives her, and it's understanding, like, oh, she's like, well, when I was six, I went into therapy for being a perfectionist at six years old. Right? So Kelly I know. Really uncovering whether you're working with a coach or a Up, really uncovering where these patterns come from. It's first level is awareness. Okay. We're gonna name the patterns, and those are the common ones. And then it's Life, where does it come from? That's the first thing. Like, we need to understand the origin just like with health. You need to get the root cause of what's going on in your body and why you feel dysregulated. Right? You look at the gut. That's where I always went first when I was the health coach. So it's always getting to the root cause.

Oh,

so good. Speaking Kelly's language in about three weeks. Like, yeah. I can't wait to hear what she asked. No. No. They're going for three hours.

Well, I'm a recovering perfectionist, people pleaser, all of the things, but I actually didn't realize the worthiness thing until, a little while ago. And it was so interesting last night. I might tear up. Sorry. I was putting my 91 year old dad to bed and, I'm like, I love Your, daddy. I've been taking care of him right now. And he said, okay. And it literally Life, okay. Like after, like, serving him all day. Right. I'm in meetings, I'm making him breakfast. I'm coming back, getting him to the bathroom, coming back, doing all these things. And from a very young age, that was the only answer that we ever got was okay. And, you know, when I was about 18, I told my dad I'm gonna teach you how to love. And I've done a really good job, but for whatever reason last night, like, it was just an okay, but it came as I'm going through a lot of other things, like, it came back. And So maybe we don't realize, you know, as you wanna increase success, like, if you're trying to prove your worth, you will not be in alignment, period. No. And and worth can mean so many things. It could be money. It could be time. It could be anything other than, like like, what am I really here for? So when you notice that these women are carrying so much, but they're so afraid of not being successful because what's driven them to get where they are It must be proving my worth, getting affirmations, any of the other things. How do you help them trust? Like, really trust. Because I had to go through this twenty something years ago when I started down this journey as I thought I was gonna not be successful anymore in the world, but it's done the opposite.

Yeah. You know, I do believe it's our life's work for women like me, at least myself, and a lot of the clients I coach. Our worthiness being attached to our success and our productivity and the doing. For me, this is something that I believe I'm gonna be working on for the rest of my life. Like, I look at it like I'm gonna be lifting weights for the rest of my life. I'm gonna be walking. Right? It's Life this is you know, and then some people have issues with money. Right? That's maybe their Life work, so it depends on on the person. For me, you know, I had a client we're dealing with yesterday. I said, who is and I used her name. I said, who is let's just call her Jen. Who is Jen outside of the success? She's a pharmacist. She's an entrepreneur. She has a, you know, a beautiful family. I'm like, who is Jen outside of the success? Who are you? Not your career, not your body, not your business, not these things. Who are you? Right? At the core, what is your identity? What are your values? What do you believe? What lights you up? And that's a really she's like, I can't answer that right now. And I'm like, that's okay. But that's the work. Right? Because you only know who you are with the success, with the accolades, with the money. Who are you outside of that? And that is a very hard question for most of us to answer. Mandy's like, yep.

Yep. You preach, girl. I mean, I feel like, you know, you and I kinda had similar paths. Right? I I went from, you know, sales, president's club, you know, all of the things. And then to let go of that and to move into real estate investor, a completely different hat. Yeah. Like, that's an identity shift, and and I know that you went through the same thing. So let's Kelly, I I wanna double click on that. So when you are dealing with this, identity change or you're coaching this woman through her own, Your woman through her own, what are maybe some fact finding missions that you go on? What are maybe some steps that you did when you were trying to redefine for yourself identity?

Yeah. I could speak to at least a more recent one with myself. And one of the things I think is really important with identity shifts is grieving the past version of ourselves. So when you start to feel, you know, you feel as especially as women, we're very intuitive. We feel the tug. I felt that tug to be pharmaceutical sales. I felt that tug to leave fitness, nutrition, health coaching because I felt like I had outgrown it, and and I wanted to do something deeper. But at first, we ignore, we ignore, we ignore. So my advice is always Women you feel that internal pain, when you feel that voice, when you hear that your gut, literally, right, our second brain, don't ignore Your. Because often we ignore it Mandy we make ourselves suffer longer. We become more miserable and become more misaligned. And then the misalignment just bleeds into our relationships, into our business, into other areas, into our body. Right? Our issues live in our tissues. It bleeds into other areas of our life when we're not happy and when we feel that misalignment. So listen to that. Those feelings are there for a reason. God is planting them. God's source, whatever you believe in is, like, it's planting. It like, listen to those things. So that would be my first thing to listen to it. And then when you decide to make the shift, and I said this to my client yesterday, we need to put this old version of you to bed, and we need to tell her thank you, and we need to write her a letter. And or if you feel like you need a curse of her, whatever you need to do, we need to write her a letter. Like, this is such a simple exercise of really saying, like, thank Your. And I had to do to do this with the fitness coach version of me. Like, thank you. You led me to this amazing successful business, but I outgrew you. It's not Life, but I wanna thank you. A lot of people, they shift identity or they move to the next thing, and they never make peace. They never grieve. You need to grieve the old version of you that led you to this level. When we move too quickly, we're still kinda carrying a little bit of residuals, and it can stop you from thriving in your next level as well.

Yeah. So powerful. And, you know, like, Pima Chowdren says, like, some people will get to consciousness for, like, three seconds Mandy then they go back again. Mhmm. You know? It is it is living this aligned intentional life comes with discipline Mandy awareness and and also surrounding yourself with other people that are gonna be the mirror of what you need to see. So Your the person that maybe is ready for the next version of themselves, but keeps going back. Right? Because habits can take us back. Whether it's I'm going back to the wrong Women, I'm going back to drinking too much, I'm going back to doing the I'm not just talking about myself, people. I might when you keep going back. Right? But you you know you're this version of yourself, but the habits in the past keep driving you back. Help somebody just maybe with some ideas

for not going backwards. Your not going back. Yeah. And I will say, I wanna give people who are listening grace because true identity transformation and I think, Mandy, I don't know if I mentioned this one at the keynote when I spoke, but true identity transformation can take two to five years. So you are gonna go back. You are like, research shows it takes that long. This is why when people Life, thirty days to change a habit. Yeah. Thirty days to change a habit. Not your deep seated identity that you've been living in since you were in your mother's Women. Literally. You wanna talk about generational trauma Mandy what we carry, like, good luck. Yeah. Thirty days Mandy all the stuff, you know, all the ways of living. You're 30, 40, 50. Like, it takes a long time. That being said, so I wanna give people first that that visual of, like, okay. This is gonna take me longer than the teeter totter. So I believe there I have four phases of identity transformation, awareness, radical acceptance, embodiment, mastery. The phase you're talking about, awareness, we already talked about. Okay. I'm aware. I wanna change. You feel that. Then radical acceptance, we need to deeply accept it. That's Life writing the letter, like, thank you. Okay. I'm ready to move on. Right? And that's and then you go to embodiment. And this is where people do say, like, that back and forth because the ego is Life, let's keep you safe and secure and validated. Right, Kelly? You've been here for so long, but your higher self is like, I wanna go here. And it really is, like, talking to this piece of you. And I like to do just, like, a simple plus minus or cost analysis. What's the cost of staying the same? What's the cost and I've been in let's I've been in an abusive relation. I've been overweight. Right? What's the cost of staying with this man? I've had to do that because I'm Life, why do I keep going back? Well, costing me my happiness. I'm gaining weight. I'm feeling miserable. I'm doing all these things. I'm Life, a simple and and then the other pieces Mandy all that says is because I'm a coach Mandy I deeply believe in coaching. Any really difficult situation in my life, I've had someone outside of me not telling me what to do, but Life you said, being a mirror and questioning me and pushing me outside of my comfort zone.

The Power Up Your Life podcast is powered by GoBundance Women. I could tell you stuff about it, or you could hear from some of our members. Here you go. GoBundance has connected me with an amazing group of entrepreneurial women

that I can learn from and support and grow together. GoBundance gave me a boardroom of sisters who refused to let me settle. You know, within the first two months of me being a member, I enrolled someone to help them with their high ticket sales. I got double back my investment within the first, you know, sixty days of being a member. So it was it's incredible. You guys are just amazing, and there's always somebody to look up to in in, in GoBundance, so I love being a a member.

That's why you owe it to yourself to check out goabundancewomen.com.

It's often hard for us to just get to that point ourselves. That's why athletes have coaches. I mean, let's just be real. Right? My piece of advice is, like, you're if you feel yourself coming to that point, work with someone on it because you're not gonna be able you're in the box Mandy I'm outside the box, so I can poke holes in the things you can Power holes. I

Yeah. I just had a conversation with someone in GoBundance Women' this week that, you know, the kind of the whole culture of our group is you I don't see my blind spots, and you don't see your blind spots. And it's incumbent on us to, like, kindly, and lovingly help each other see those things so we can move through them and and exceed our own expectations of our lives. I I so love what you said there. You have a quiz that I am on a drip campaign of, and I am loving it. You know, maybe walk us through, you know, the what the quiz does Mandy then how that can help someone figure stuff out about themselves. Yeah. And I like it because it's so Mandy we all know everyone's busy.

All us high achievers are all so busy. It literally will take you one minute, and then you'll get your score, and it'll show you which level of identity burnout per se you're in. So it's gonna show you. You just answer some questions. It's like, people pleasing. I'm always on. I can't shut my brain off. I feel stressed. Or Women I go on it's just gonna ask you just very simple questions. You'll check it off, and then you'll get your score. And then it'll it'll show you really where you are in your identity phase Mandy, like, are you more burnt out, or are you in alignment, really? It's it's really, like, you know, the lower score, you're gonna be more in alignment, and you're you're not heading towards burnout or overperforming. And then the higher score is Life, okay. And and a lot of people, they take it. I'm like and they're like, I didn't realize I was actually doing all those things. So I didn't realize I was actually still people pleasing so much Your doing x y z or or, laying in bed thinking about all my emails. So some of the things will kind of, like, hit Women. Like, okay. Yeah. Maybe I do need. And then if you, you know, you take it, you can hop on a free call with me to just kinda go over and assess it from there. And then there's also a training with it as well. Oh, and the nervous system toolkit. There's a whole bunch of stuff in there. Yeah.

That's amazing. Is it just another way to see your own blind blind spot. I can't wait. I can't wait to see it. So I'm gonna go a little woo woo on you. So we talked a little bit about identity. And one of the, you know, one of the challenges in higher levels of consciousness is getting to nothingness, which is really right? Like, if we could all lose All of them there. The job, the everything, and just embody joy and embody just Resendez, like, what a different world it would be. You know? If you're that person that plays in that space a long time, there there can tend to be, like, loneliness because the majority of people out there are still in it. Right? How do you suggest somebody navigate that as they're as they're just trying to you know, I always say, say, like, I just wanna be a beam of light. So I'm giving and giving and giving. I do receive a lot as well, which is amazing, which I didn't used to. But how do you how do you bring somebody to that place? Are you talking about someone who is they're in three d, but they're looking to be more in five d space? I would say somebody that knows they're in five d and is dropping back into three d to make the Mandy, to have the relationships, to do those types of things.

I believe for all of us, especially in the society we live in, it's hard to only, excuse me, be in five d. You're gonna drop into three d. I think it's just really important to surround yourself with people that are playing in five d as well. And if that means you need to have a smaller circle, then so be it. And that's actually something that happened to me basically from when I got into the coaching, and then I did deep spiritual journeys, Ayahuasca, mushroom healing journeys, and I realized, like, how I was progressing spiritually. A lot of my friends that I grew up with, I love them to death, but we're just on completely different pages with this stuff. You know, I had to to make peace with that. And so now my circle you know, I think Women we're we're in our forties and beyond, like, your circle just kinda maybe naturally gets smaller because you have less tolerance for BS, but just surrounding yourself with those people that are moving in that path and and seeking, you know, seeking out things like that. Like, I go to sound baths. I go to different spiritual healing events, and then you Mandy you meet people like that. And I think it it's good to play in that field, but we do take ourselves back to three d in moments, which I think is normal for all of us, but surrounding yourself with people that are moving into that realm. Yeah. Right. Because most people don't I think

Go ahead. Yeah. I love that. I well, I do think it's so important to be in the spaces where people remind you of your future and not just your past. Love your past. Love where you came from, and remember where you wanna go. You know? I I so you talked about sound baths. You talked about you're gonna lift weights for the rest of your life. You're a you're a fitness guru. Right? Like, what what are some rituals, some recipes that you, for yourself or for your clients, you, advise so that people can stay in their best self? Yeah.

I always felt nonnegotiable. So what a lot of people do is they set up their calendar with their meetings, their calls, their connection chats, their podcast, and they put all this energy Mandy attention towards a business, towards a career. You yourself need to be on your calendar as well. Every morning on my calendar, I meditate and journal. I'm not as good with journaling, I will admit, but I'm I've been meditating straight now for eight years. Having this a day, and that has changed my Life. Because as a type a, high d on the disc, reactive as f New Yorker, like, that meditation has changed has changed me. Okay? So that is something that's nonnegotiable. Another I like and I like to have nonnegotiable because then you set standard. It's very easy to set goals. Standards are what you hold yourself to. Right? So I'll say to my clients, I'll pick three. What are your three nonnegotiable? Right? So for me, it's that. It's obviously always lifting weights, and then I always sunset walk with my dog at my I never miss it unless I'm traveling. So those are things that are really important for mental health, physical health grounding me. So nonnegotiable is really, really important. Treat your body, treat your health Life you treat your business. It's that simple. Your body is your business card, and I don't mean in a way, like, you need to be, like, a model and be ripped, like but you exude a certain type of energy, and people can feel that on screen. They could feel that when you meet them, when you're going to write up a real estate deal, whatever it may be. So I really think that that it's so vital to just it it all goes together. They're not separate. You could ignore your health and keep working on your business, but it'll catch up to you.

Yeah. That's amazing. Well, you know, just to to really take it to the next level and magnetize yourself. Like, what unconventional things do you recommend to people out there? I'd I'd guess that you have a few.

Unconventional. Well, I have a crystal wand Life we wanna get Kelly woo. I don't know. Are people gonna be able to see this too? Yeah. We can see it. I love crystals. I actually realized I was obsessed with them as a child. I would always go, like, look for rocks. It was so weird. I would I Up for cool rocks. I was like, oh, this is where this comes from. Anyways, pyrite and citrine. I would say that's a little bit unconventional. I do believe that crystals, rocks have a lot of energy, and I do believe believe in their meanings. There we go. Okay. Yeah. They're all over my desk. I actually have so many now that during the full moon, I stopped carrying them out because I'd need, like, a wheelbarrow. It's just Life I used to take them out, and it's Life it's too much to let them bathe in the full moon. I obviously, I said, I believe in meditation, and there's a lot of high achievers I coach that are like, I just can't meditate. I can't do it. I'm like, you can sit with yourself for three minutes, and don't don't worry. It doesn't need to be perfect. There is a stigma Life, well, if my brain isn't totally clear, if I'm not totally quiet, then I'm not meditating. I'm like, that's actually wrong. Meditation, it's nonjudgment. It's you sitting there and giving time to yourself. So I don't know that that's unconventional, but I will say I've had a lot of resistance from the high achievers that I've coached that would have never done meditation and things like that had they not met done that. And, you know, another unconventional thing Life we're just talking about growing your business, all the strategies in the world are great. But if you're not paying attention to what's going on in here, your identity, who you're being, how you're showing up in the world, are you fulfilled, are you truly happy Life you're not checking in with yourself, if you're not, like, Mandy, remember we did the plus minus exercise when I spoke? Like, really giving yourself, like, is this aligned? Is this not aligned? It's very easy to go down the wrong path. So having those moments of really checking in with yourself, and you need peace and quiet to do that. Like, all the strategies in the world are great to grow your business, but you also need to be aligned with who you are, and that's not just a strategy.

It's from quite That has been such a pattern through this podcast and through, you know, getting to know so many people with go GoBundance Women that it's you you can't scale your net worth past your self worth. You know? It all starts at home. It's all an an inside out job in so many different directions. Mandy, girlfriend, you have dropped some bombs today that I have written a few down. I the issues in the tissues, I love the body keeps the score. I just I love how you called back to that. And you've gotta like, I love this concept of grieving the old me. You know? I've I've had a bunch of different identities as we've gone along, and I I love leaving this idea for our listeners that if you're in the middle of some sort of a shift, write that thank you note, and then grieve the moving on

from her. Yeah. Maybe you would agree. I I put mine I put mine in the ocean. I was like, you know, because I'm I have a mermaid tattoo. I was obviously living now. I'm very connected to to the ocean. I was like, you know, I'm gonna put this in the ocean so you Your can put it put it in a special place. We often grieve our you know, like, I lost my father in 2022. We grieve the loss of a parent or grieve the loss of a pet, but we also need to give ourself the grace and space to grieve the old versions of ourself and how and how how they served us. You know?

Yeah. No. I love that. I have burned a lot of letters to others. Well, burning that I'm very concerned. Letting go of, but I haven't burned the one, like, my 15 year old likes to get up on the bar and have a good time. And, like, I've been really trying to get away from that. So I think it's time to write that letter. I love it. And I mean, so so much goodness. I mean, my favorite thing about this conversation is you can really feel the embodiment and mastery in the work that you've been doing. So we're gonna be fast friends. I'll be over in Maui now just to see you soon. Just, like, like, I just absolutely love that. But just that idea that, like, you don't have to give up success when you start to do this work. That once you are more aligned with your purpose and what really drives your joy, it's gonna take things even to the next level. So for all the high achievers out here listening, I think, you know, starting with your quiz is powerful

Your sure. So thank you. Yeah.

We will make sure that that is in the show notes. And so you have served us so much, Angelica, that we we always wanna make sure that we're also serving you. So a question that we like to end with is, you know, what is an introduction or a resource that just would change the ballgame for you?

For me, I think I shared with Your. I love speaking. It's definitely my dharma. I've coached for fifteen years. I started speaking the end of twenty twenty three. I really wanna impact as many people, especially as many Women, as I can, and speaking is a vehicle to do that. So anyone anyone you know or speak to your group or whatever. Speaking.

Yeah. If anybody does need a speaker for something, what is the best way for them to get ahold of you? Honestly, Instagram's so easy. Just send me a message on Instagram. I'm always on there. Yeah. Okay. What's your handle?

At the angelica ventures.

Awesome. Well, we will absolutely have that all in the show notes. Guys, you want to know this woman, reach out to her, take her quiz. I have found it incredibly useful and valuable to looking at my own blind spots. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure that you send it to someone else who needs it, that needs to understand herself, and we will see you on the next episode. Thanks for joining us today on the Power of Your Life podcast. If you got value from today's episode, make sure that you like and subscribe and send this episode to someone who needs to hear some wins like this. If you need to power up your business, head over to Power Up Your Life Now where you can see all of the resources that our team has to power up your business. We'll see you on the next episode.