How to Trust Yourself, Let Go, and Create a Life That Feels Good

Hey, everybody. Today's discussion is with Roberta Ravella. You are going to love her. She is a speaker, author, podcast host, and founder Women Women Women to build joyful, values driven businesses that feel as good as they look. Here's Roberta. Hey, everybody, and welcome to the Power Up Your Life podcast powered by GoBundance Women. I'm Mandy McAllister.

And I'm Kelly Resendez.

And today, what a joyful day, you know? Because we are joined by my new friend, Roberta. Roberta, how are you today?

Very good. Thank you. How are you guys?

It's one of my best life. Thank you for asking. Well, I can't wait for our listeners to learn from you and what you are involved in. Walk me through first. Let's start from the beginning. Tell us about you and your journey and how you got to what you're doing now.

Yeah. I got here, after a a long stint in the mortgage business, in mortgage sales, and then, I got married and moved and started my business over Mandy, tried a few other things and seemed to always find myself right back in the same spot, which was really highly annoyed. And so I was, I was actually downstairs in in the condo building where we live on the treadmill with a a book. I'm re I can read and run at the same time. Not very fast, but anyway. I'm reading this book and he the guy says, you know, at the end of this book, you do everything. You'll have the life you want. You'll have a house you want, the relationship you want, and the money you want. And I shut the book Mandy I was like, friend, I love my husband. I live across the street in the beach. I have more money than I ever thought that I would have, and I feel like shit. So what's up with that? Like, what's going on here? And so that took me on, my own little toy experiment. Like, just I I did all the things. I checked every box from starting, you know, at 25, going into sales, making my own money, buying my own home, living my full life, and then thinking, well, I've found this guy that I really Life, and it'll take all this pressure off me, and then I'll be happy. And then he retired Mandy we moved. I thought, well, then, you know, that certainly is gonna do it. I'm gonna be at the beach, and it's gonna be great. And I'm like, what's up with this?

It's so funny how it's always an inside out job. You know? I let's kinda start high level. I just I love how you how you call this, the the joy experiment. What does that mean to Your, and how did you you know, you were on the treadmill running, but, you know, you're Your what does it mean to you Mandy what impact do you bring to others' lives?

Yeah. So I called it the experiment, honestly, because all the other names that I wanted were taken, but it worked out perfectly because it is an experiment. Life is an experiment. If you think back to science class, an experiment starts with a hypothesis, a question you wanna answer, and then you run through a whole bunch of things and find out what the real answer is. And so it just takes so much pressure off of us. I'm not, having to prove myself. I'm okay with it not working. I'm okay with starting over, trying something different, adding something, subtracting something, you know, whatever. We inside of the joy experiment, we have several experiments that help women find joy and ease and flow where they are. So those are fun. And what else did you ask me?

Not just what what impact does that provide?

What impact it provides, I feel like it takes a lot of pressure off. That's number one. We're not here, you know, for you to hit a million dollar a year. If that's what you want, cool. Let's do it. But it helps you get to yourself and what you really want, which what you desire for your life. Yeah. That's the And then how do we do it in joy, ease, and flow?

Yeah. You know, one of the things that I always say is that we own our joy. And so many of us that are navigating growing a business, maybe raising kids, dealing with aging parents, etcetera, A lot of times it's really challenging to do that. So what are some strategies that you teach or recommend that you can really embody that idea of owning your joy?

Sure. See, the easiest and the first thing I do pretty much every morning is when I wake up, you know, you notice you wake you're awake. Right? And it's in the morning. And I just think about the things around me that are really good. I I love it when it's really cold in the house. So just noticing that coolness on my face, noticing simple things with my sheets. I just got a new pillow that I really Life. And, you know, my husband's either in the bed next to me or he's snoring, so I went to sleep somewhere else. But both of those things are great. Right? Sometimes it's just the fact that the whole house is quiet. Life, I woke up before everybody else. It's so quiet in here. So coming into a wake, you know, when you wake Up, instead of the first thing being, you know, I gotta get the dog. I hope I can make all my mom's appointments today for her, you know, aging parents Your the kids that gotta do Your all that craziness that we allow to instantly enter into our head, which puts us behind, makes us feel like crap. Right? Just coming into awareness of there's so many things here that are simple that I Life, and that's very joyful. It's a great way to start the your your day.

I love it. And when we when I had the honor of recording on your podcast, we talked a lot about that you get what you look Your. You know? And if you're looking to find joy in that pillow, you're gonna find some damn joy in that pillow. But if it just is the thing that's there, then you're probably not gonna find it. I think it's that commitment to deciding to give meaning to things that that you might not be giving meaning to. I'm curious. I I love talking to coaches because I have my one singular life experience. Right? But you not only have your life experience, you have helped coach many, many high performers through other stuff in their attempt to find more joy. I find myself in what I'm calling a season of subtraction in getting in in getting rid of things so that I can have bigger focus on other stuff. I'm curious. Of your group of people Mandy you included, what are some biggest mistakes that you see people do when they get in the way of their joy or in way in the way of their best life? What are the mistakes? Sure.

I think the biggest mistake is thinking everything has to be hard, And it puts us right back into some other biggies, like I have to, I should do Life I don't do, Power assumptions that things have to be hard, that you have to do it a certain way, that you should do things this way, that you have to do things that way. You can't do something the way you really want to. And I love that you say subtraction because that is emotional and mental clutter. So if we can get rid of it, you know, you can start with a clean space, then you can allow the things that you really want to come in and start entertaining them.

So good. So good. And when we think about clutter, you know, we often think about, you know, stuff being around the house, but something as as much as just our mind being cluttered can definitely distract us from joy. So when you get stuck, Roberta, like, whether it's building your business or trying to make a decision or anything like that, what strategies do you have to really get yourself unstuck?

Yeah. These are gonna sound silly, but Mandy they work. I am a big fan of a bubble bath in the middle of the day, going on a walk somewhere. I do arts and crafts. Right? And they don't even have to be good. If you can find yourself pasting something somewhere or putting a crayon on a piece of paper, like, just diverting. Like, if I'm finding myself coming into frustration or this isn't working Your I feel just, like, really, emotionally stuck, like, I had a weird day on Monday. It's like, why am I this grumpy? And we're having some employee changes, some, virtual assistants coming in and out. And I'm like, you know what? I just need to relax. I took a bubble bath. I did some arts and crafts literally, and then I journaled a whole bunch of stuff that was just all the ickiness in my head. I put it on a piece of paper and Your that up and throw it away. Right. Just get rid of it. But I find that if I can let myself, in my body, my physical body go somewhere else and do something else And let that thing that I'm stuck on or that I find frustrating, just let it be. I I know, and I will say, especially in mortgage sales, I would not have allowed myself that because I had put all my value in my urgency and all, the pressure that I applied to myself and others was something that I thought was extremely valuable. And actually it's not. It's one of the things that keeps us from moving forward well and how we would in a way that is actually easy and shortens the time. So even though that feels like I'm wasting time, I'm actually shortening the time.

Gotta gauge the other part of your brain. I I feel like that might be your next book, the the therapeutic qualities of the glue gun by You know? Porter Raffela. Right. So one more thing I love to talk about. So you went from this, like, high powered, high earning, big girl job in mortgage sales. Right? And you made a crap ton of money all at the same Life, and then you decided this ain't for me anymore. In the world of GoBundance Women and our listeners, there there I myself went from high powered sales gig to, you know, self employed investor. Talk to me a little bit about that bravery that you found and that the identity change that you had to take on to become this new version of yourself.

Yeah. I mean, I'd love to say I was really brave, but I I just I literally couldn't do it anymore. I mean, I got to the point where I was throwing up a lot. You know? Like, it just I don't know. I was physically just

fried. The stress pukes, and I got them too.

Right? And all my coping mechanisms were causing starting to cause me problems, like big problems. And I wasn't sure what to do. I I actually joined a coaching group, which is where I met Erin Bradley. It was called the Freedom Club. And I'm like, okay. So maybe this will do it for me. And that was just changing strategies. And you can only change strategies so much. Like you said, you wherever you go, there you are. Right? And so my next strategy, it wasn't a strategy. I actually met my husband. I was like, this is interesting. I'm 38. Now's a good time to get married. So, you know, we did. And then we I just kept trying different ways of assuaging this or whatever. But, I think the most courageous thing I ever did was make the phone call to the lady that I did my healing journey with and was like, I can't do this anymore. I know it's me. I'm gonna cry my eyeballs out while I'm talking to you about this. But, like, that was probably the most courageous part of that. Like, okay. Like, let's be really honest here. Until I heal myself, this is only gonna be the same thing in a different skirt, a different state, a different house, a different bank account. Like

yeah. Wow. I have so I mean, you and I have so much in common. So I left mortgage. I ran a team, for many years and went into executive leadership. And everyone around me was like, you're crazy. Like, you I was one of the top 1% loan officers doing 40 to 50 deals a month and just crushing it. And everyone around me just thought that I was crazy, and they couldn't understand why I was really following my purpose so that I can make a bigger impact. When someone's at that point where maybe they feel Life financially, they have set up a lifestyle based off of what they're doing, but they know that it's not for them anymore. Like, how do you get through that fear and the doubt that you can create something that is is similar. It takes time. Right? Like, what would you tell the person that is maybe they are a loan officer, a real estate agent, a med device salesperson Life Mandy was making a lot of money, but Yeah. They really desire to do something more. What would you tell them they they should start doing?

Trusting themselves. Trust yourself.

So good.

I Yeah. I feel like and that is I'm gonna double click on that if we can, please, because I I feel like it things that are so hit you in the face, like, inspiring Life that, that are so succinct. There are so many layers, like, you know, like, I don't trust myself because of x, y, and z, because I haven't done this thing. When you don't trust yourself or when your clients don't trust themselves, what are some kind of actionable things that you put into place, you do for yourself or them, that help them Your you start to trust yourself? The Power of Your Life podcast is powered by GoBundance Women. I could tell you stuff about it or you could hear from some of our members. Here you go. GoBundance has connected me with an amazing group of entrepreneurial women

that I can learn from and support and grow together.

GoBundance gave me a boardroom of sisters who refused to let me settle. You know, within the first two months of me being a member,

I enrolled someone to help them with their high ticket sales. I got double back my investment within the first, you know, sixty days of being a member. So it was it's incredible. You guys are just amazing, and there's always somebody to look up to in in, in GoBundance, so I love being a member.

That's why you owe it to yourself to check out goabundancewomen.com.

Yeah. I think you take it straight out of action, honestly. It's interesting that it comes up this way, because a lot of times what you hear is, like, make yourself promises. Keep promises to yourself. And I think one of the biggest things you can do, I just had a lady on my podcast and we were talking about this Mandy she said, it's not those promises. It's listening. Like, think about a relationship you have with someone that you just wish they would listen to you. Like you're screaming at them and they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. But let me go do this. You'll be fine if you let me just do this. And they were going, but all I have you know, they're screaming that, for most of Up, I know it was for me. My whole being, my body, my inner being, my emotions were screaming at me. And I was like, no. No. No. You'll be fine. We'll be fine. We need to keep this money. You'll be fine. I'll fix it. Let me have some wine. Let me go to therapy. Let me, you know, make it to Diamond Club, presidents, whatever. You'll be fine. And I was just completely ignoring myself. And the best thing I did was just finally listen to me, to be quiet enough Mandy to allow that to happen. That is the first part of trusting yourself. It's nothing to do. It's just be.

So powerful. And so you make this transition. Right? You leave. You go into this coaching this coaching world and and that kind of thing. If if somebody's interested in doing that, like, what were the steps that you actually took in figuring out how to create this new business?

Yeah. I took I took kind of a winding road, honestly. I transitioned out of mortgage. I went part time for a little while and started doing coaching. I liked coaching. I liked being coached, and just went through a couple iterations. I was business coaching. I'm not very good at it. I'm not a detail oriented numbers person. I'm probably the last business coach you need. Right? So I was like, let me do this. So I started, marketing, doing a lot of marketing coaching and marketing strategy, which I also really am I that I am good at and I loved it. I was like, this this isn't quite it either. And I just kept listening to myself more and more. I started an AI business with a friend of mine that we were doing. It it could have been great Mandy we hit a wall where we're like, our our values are so mismatched. I'm gonna be right back in the mortgage business if I keep doing this. So I went through a real season of learning to hear myself and and being okay with, hey. I tried this, and it just wasn't the right thing. So what's the next thing? What's the next thing? Your some people, it happens pretty quickly. They already know. Some people already know what they've been putting off, and then maybe you just don't yet. So I think allowing yourself the pathway of, you know, not to be too woo on you guys, but the path of least resistance, you know, and and see where it goes.

Mhmm. I like trying things on, you know, I just like you're saying, I I accidentally bought a car wash because I was trying that on, you know, but I'm I'm curious, like, once you find the right thing, you know, you you that's something you wanna give your whole self to, and you wanna start trying to scale that business. And, you know, not taking away from the, we exited very masculine, go hit that plan type of things. You know, what are some steps that you take to grow the thing that you've decided that you love? What are some scale tips that you have for people there? Yeah. So one of the ways I've decided to grow I'm gonna get back to your advice, Mandy, which is subtraction.

At the beginning of the year, I started out with a whole bunch of things on my plate Mandy I was like, what here is what I really want to do? And then I started letting things go. And as I hone down into that, I mean, the podcast is truly the main thing. And I've had people say, you're nuts. It's so hard to monetize a pod a podcast. What are you doing? I'm like, this is really my focus. This is really, you know, writing books, doing the pod, and then the other things just kinda come along with it. So I feel like subtraction has a lot to do with scaling. Like, what can what do you get rid of to make the space for for the other things to come in or for this to even grow? You know, the one thing it is, what whatever that is. Right?

Yeah. That's so powerful because we do so many things that are actually not aligned with what we're trying to do. And Right. Subtracting those things out just gives us that energy that we need to be able to do that. So, you know, let's dig in back into this joy idea because I am somebody that wholeheartedly believes that, you know, when we put intention around it, Life, we're gonna we're gonna create more of it. And I think so many people right now when you look at the data, how many women feel overwhelmed, burnt out, Life, they just are are missing, Life, the inspiration to wake up and be grateful for their pillow. Right? So speak to that woman right now that feels completely overwhelmed. Like, what steps would you tell her to take right away to be able to start to step into what does joy feel Life? Even if she can't sustain it for very long. So she knows what it actually means.

What it actually feels Life. There's a couple ways you can you can back in and out of that. Right? Like, you think about what's what's good right now. Of all the things you're overwhelmed with, okay, you can focus on that Your just give yourself a second. This minute, this instant, what's what feels good right now? What is good right now? The other thing, sometimes we're so deep in it, you can't. So when was the last time it really felt good? Like, even if you wanna go back to a Christmas, that was great Your a childhood thing or your prom. I don't I mean, whatever. It doesn't matter. Just pick something that, like, okay. I remember this time in college that we had so much fun Your when my child was born Mandy it was so wonderful. Like, find a place of joy Life you can't find it in now. And then you can start remembering that feeling and you'll probably like you were saying, Mandy, as you have that rectangular activating system, then you can start to see around you. Okay. I do feel joyful when I'm doing this Your right now when I can breathe and give myself a minute. I would start there. And I am such a fan of journaling. I know some people are like, oh, I haven't written anything on a piece of Power, and I can't remember how long. Well, go get yourself a pen and a piece of paper. Mhmm. That is neuroscience, actually.

Yes. It sure is. Mandy now you're speaking Kelly's love language. The the idea of getting to the truth of the matter. Like, I I say a lot, you can't fix a problem. If you wanna fix a problem, you gotta put more truth to the problem, and there's nothing more truthful than your your feelings and a number. I love I love everything about that. I'm, I I really wanna know, what's next for you? What are the big things that you're working on that fill you up the most right now?

Now? Yeah. Still the doing something a little crazy, maybe. I don't know. I can't I can't decide. But, I have opened a media company. It's called Monja Monja Media. I have a publishing arm, with some great people that are backing me there, and we're opening the podcast publishing arm at the moment. So it's so interesting. I just was thinking about this a few months ago. Like, what is it what would it look like if I was doing my own publishing Mandy my own podcasting Mandy, the name the name come from comes from my husband. He's Italian. That's what you say at the beginning of dinner. Right? Mangia mangia means e e. So it just started showing up. Like, the people who would be the parts, because I don't wanna be the part. I'm not a copywriter. I I mean, a copywriter, copy editor. I can't copyright, but I don't want to. Anyway, like, the pieces started showing up. I just talked to another person today that's Life, I'm doing this and this and this with podcasting strategy. And I was like, would you like to collaborate? And she's like, yeah. Let's get my calendar out. Right? So they just started showing Up, and I'm like, I I can feel the edges of it, the bigness of it. And the interesting part has been, with all the work I've done on my nervous system and learning to just be, it's not freaking me out.

That's awesome. I love that. I love that. Well, Mandy, there's been so many good nuggets here today. And I think I think for me, I I love just this idea of, like, man, from the moment that you wake up, you know, start to focus on the things that are really positive in your life that instead of the to do Life. Right? And anchoring into that Mandy then believing and trusting in yourself that you can create something new even if you've already had success, but you hear that internal voice really coming in and and begging you to to do something more. Mandy, what was it for you today?

I wrote down two things. And one, we've already kind of, you know, we've beaten lots of dead horses on this, you and me, Roberta, but subtraction is really the key to focus and clarity. You know, you can't do all of the things all you can do everything, but you can't do everything all at the same time. So what's the thing that deserves your attention right now Mandy and what will really fill you up? And I also love there's nothing to do, just be. That is what an incredible reminder. You have served us and our audience so greatly, Roberta. We want to know how we can serve you. What is an introduction or a resource that changes the ballgame for what you're working on?

Yeah. So as as many women as you guys wanna send my way who are creating their life and business and joy and profitability, that's something we are focusing on because, you know, that's what what I want. So, yeah, I wanna show as many women as possible, as many ways as possible that this looks like Your you to create your life and your business in in joy.

Oh, I love it. And I especially love it's not just gonna look good. It's gonna feel good. You know? Yeah. All of those things. So, Roberta, what is the best way for people to get ahold of you?

Yeah. You can find me on my website, thejoyexperiment.live, or, you can hit me up on the YouTubes. It's the joy experiment Life. Or you can email me at, which is my name, roberta@robertarebella.com.

Great. We will get that all in the show notes. Everyone, thank you so much for joining us on the Power of Your Life podcast. If you like this or a friend needs it, send it to them, subscribe, and we will see you next week. Thanks for joining us today on the Power Up Your Life podcast. If you got value from today's episode, make sure that you like and subscribe and send this episode to someone who needs to hear some wins like this. If you need to power up your business, head over to Power Up Your Life Now, where you can see all of the resources that our team has to power up your business. We'll see you on the next episode.